Second is the New First

50 is the new 30 and 40 is the new 25 so I'm thinking 30 is the new 16. Come to find out, second is the new first. Your boy Larry Johnson of the Kansas City Chiefs ended his holdout on my birthday. He signed a contract for $45 million over 6 years ($43.2 mil over 5 yr extension). $19 million of that is guaranteed money. He will be paid $27.7 million in the first 3yrs of extension. Larry Johnson is now the highest paid Running Back in NFL history. Larry Johnson is also ranked as the #2 RB in the league. Second. Not first. The honor of top RB in the league actually goes to LaDainian Tomlinson. I don't know what he's making off hand, but I do know it's less than LJ. Let me be clear. I'm not clowning LJ or anything like that. His stats are wild, just below LT's. However, these dudes are around the same age, same size but LT has LJ by 2 yrs in the league. I know LT is getting paid, but I just don't think it's fair for #2 to have the honor of being highest paid RB in the league if he's behind the current best. That's just my personal opinion. Maybe I just don't like holdouts or maybe I just like LaDainian better. Or maybe he is just better and should hold the title of highest paid RB in the league like he holds all these other records:
* Holds the all-time NFL record for single season touchdowns (31). (The previous record was 28, it was set in 2005 by Shaun Alexander.[2])
* Holds the all-time NFL record for single season rushing touchdowns (28). (The previous record was 27, in 2003 by Priest Holmes and in 2005 by Shaun Alexander.[23])
* Holds the all-time NFL record for the most points scored in a single season (186). (The previous record was 176. It was set in 1960 by Paul Hornung.[24])
* Holds the all-time NFL record for most consecutive games with a rushing touchdown (18). (The Previous record was 13, it was set in 1983 by John Riggins)
* Holds the NFL record for most consecutive multi-touchdown games (8). (The previous record was 7, it was set in 1983 by John Riggins.[25])
* Holds the all-time NFL record for fewest games needed to achieve 100 touchdowns, with his 100th career touchdown (90 rushing, 10 receiving) in his 89th game (breaking the previous record of achieving the mark in the 93rd game of a career, which was done by both Jim Brown and Emmitt Smith).
* Holds the record for most touchdowns scored in a five game span with 16 TDs (14 rushing, 2 receiving), breaking his own record of 15 that he had set two weeks earlier. Prior to that, the record was held by Jim Brown with 14.
* Became the first and only player in NFL history to rush for 1000 yards and receive 100 passes in a single season.
* 2006 NFL MVP

Or maybe Alvin Keels (LJ's agent) is a pimp and I should just respect his hustle.

sources: http://www.rotowire.com/football/player.htm?id=3022
http://www.kansascity.com/sports/story/241793.html

Can't Nobody Sang Like Eddie Kane Jr.

Last night my little sister called me b/c she was watching "The Five Heartbeats". Now, she claims she's only seen it like twice, which I know is a straight lie. I know I've seen it like a million times. It's one of my favorite movies. It's just so hilarious and classic with all the good lines. So after we got off the phone, we started texting lines from the movie to each other. As a result, I have Five Heartbeats on the brain and I have to do something about it. In other news, the bday was great. Still excited about my party, my mom gave me a card with money in it and I still have a pound of dessert left. Ok, back to the Five Heartbeats. Check out classic Leon below.

So Far, So Good

It's still my birthday and things are going pretty great. People gave me snacks at work and I left early. I had an uneventful lunch with my pops (which is rare). The food was good and there was no fighting. I temporarily got caught in a monsoon but that didn't last long and I made it out alive. Another plus. Oh, and the picture doesn't suck on my new license. Today is pretty sweet. As a result, I'm gonna post some really nonsense videos. Enjoy. It's a celebration!

Classic


One of the best, if not the best old school beat/songs of all time. Definitely has got to be the most sampled. Did you pay up 50?


Sorry. I had to do it. I used to love this beat.


More foolishness. Can't explain it, but I like this one too.


Ok, I've got to get ready. I know there are a couple of "what the hell" situations on here, but it's my birthday and I can do what I want.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Good morning All! It's officially my birthday and so I'm excited. I'm excited about today and the rest of the week! Q is coming to town for my party. She might be bringing Chocolate (ok, not really, but it's fun to think about) I have to get ready to leave soon b/c I have to renew my license, which means I get a replacement for that God-awful picture that I had last year. New picture, new birthday, new Chocolate...Yay Me!

Big Things Poppin

Sorry about that title. I couldn't think of anything else to write. I'm a little tired. I went to work today, which was cool. I also worked out at the crack of dawn and then went grocery shopping after work. I sort of had a full day. Tomorrow is the big day. I should be more excited but I'm a little tired. I need to be wrapping it up and getting in the bed. I have a lunch date with my dad tomorrow. Wish me luck. Then I have a dinner date. I'll be eating all damn day. That's cool though. I'm happy people care enough to want to celebrate with me. And I'll be celebrating until after Labor Day. Ok. I've got nothing. I'm going to bed.

Detox

I am seriously trippin. You know you're night was ridiculous when you have to be driven to the spot where you left your car the next morning. You know you're on some other shit when the ride there entails rolling down the highway with old school Outkast playing loud as hell, eating a chicken leg, with the windows rolled down and hair blowing in your face. I have no excuses for my behavior. I will remind you that my birthday is in 2 days. As we speak, I'm sitting here in a towel trying not to pass away. I think I need to go lay down. Oh yeah. I got a dress yesterday for my party. Goodnight.

Never Too Old for New Draws

My auntie just called me asking if I wanted a t-shirt dress b/c she was standing in the middle of Macy's and thought I would look cute wearing one. I said why not? I mean, it's free. She also asked if I needed some underwear and I replied yes, b/c that's something you always need. So it's not even my full on birthday yet and I have a new dress and new draws on the way! Life is good. In other news, I tried unsuccessfully to track down the phone sex perpetrator. I guess sending out a mass text to all the guys you know asking if they called you in the middle of a morning jack off session wasn't the way to go. Oh well. I tried. I also had the pleasure of babysitting my friend's kids and it was exhausting as hell. 2 year olds are the funniest, busiest people on the planet. She had me laid out on the couch trying to regroup as she tried to feed me nasty dried fruit snacks. We had quite the day which I think resulted in me putting on a backwards diaper. Whatever. I'm still learning and it's a very slow process. Enough of all that. I need to get clean and go look for clothes. Have a great Saturday.

Rude Awakening

This video is more than appropriate since my morning started of with a reference to skeet. Watch out for those "private" or "unknown" calls. Nothing good ever comes of them.

Disrespect All Around...

So around 6:48am, somebody sends me a text message informing me that they we should go out tonight. That's great and all, but you can't assume just b/c you're up at the butt crack of dawn that I am as well. Besides, I'm not so sure that I want to venture out with this particular person again. And I definitely don't want to go to the lame ass places she suggested. This is looking like a no-go. Take two. My phone actually rings around 7:45am (still sleeping by the way). The call is from a private number. Mistake #1. I answer it. Mistake #2. The person on the other end of the phone is softly whispering, so I think. My phone has questionable reception and I'm half asleep so I give this a pass. I repeat hello and realize that the dude on the other end of the phone is informing me that he is coming. So I'm pissed. I start yelling at this dude, calling him stupid, lame etc. The best (and maybe worst) part is that I recognized the voice, which makes this even lamer. I told dude not to wake me up on some bullshit anymore and hung up. I know I shouldn't have entertained any of that at all, but I was so sleepy and I hate when a ringing phone wakes me up. Absolutely hate it. I mean, this is so ridiculous that I couldn't even find a video to post to soothe my irritation. I'll try again later. Have a great morning.

Jesus is On the Main Line

In a surprising twist of fate, I checked the balance for my checking account and to my great surprise there was an extra grip of money from my job. I haven't worked in about 3 weeks. My co-worker and I speculate it's our bonus from the last project we completed. I really don't care what it is as long as it's mine. August 16th is officially christened as the Best Day Ever (besides my birthday which is a national holiday, so it couldn't be in the running). Since I don't have any strong praise songs to post I'll give you the second best thing: the hardest singing male group of all time. Enjoy.

He's An On Time God, Yes He Is

Ladies and gentlemen, I will be returning to work on Monday at 8:30am. I would like to give thanks to the Almighty for making this possible. For real. Like I stated before, the student loan game is so serious and money is so very necessary. As a result of the momentous news, there will definitely be an increase in fun had at my birthday party. There will probably be a purchase of an outfit or two and some much needed groceries. It's so beautiful when it all comes together. Wouldn't you agree? I think the only thing that would be better than this is if Chocolate walked through my door right now, in all his bodyrocker glory. That would be exceptional. But like I said, going back to work and getting paid is pretty damn exciting on its own.

Gym Etiquette

How come when you're at the gym minding your business, working out and such, other patrons think it's perfectly fine to come and either
a) stand right by you
b) get on a machine right next to you when all other 5011 machines are free or
c) stare you all in the face
I don't know about anybody else but when I go to the gym I sweat. A lot. I was told by my trainer that's a good thing, so naturally I'm going to make that happen everytime I go to the gym. And I don't like to be close to people when I sweat b/c I feel wet and well, a little nasty. That's why I go all out of my way to make sure I don't have to interact with people during those times. I bring music. I don't make eye contact with anyone, not even bodyrockers (and that's a little hard) I just go in and mind my business. Understand, I'm just trying to look out for y'all. Respect my gym hustle, please. That's all I'm asking.

Alexyss K. Taylor: The Realest Chick in the Game

If you've never heard of Ms. Alexyss Taylor then you are in for a treat. This lady is the most soulful, most hilarious, all around realest sexpert in the game. Truth be told, she is also the most intelligent. She has that authentic GA accent so a few people try to write her off as ignorant or clowin', but that's not the case. My Auntie is so thorough with it. No joke. This particular clip shows that she has a little wisdom for everybody. Enjoy.

Too Early for Chocolate

I am already ahead of the game. I saw my trainer this morning at 5:30am and we did abs for ages. Many moons ago my ab game was undeniable. I actually talked to a friend of mine yesterday who remembered my abs from 2 years ago. Unfortunately, I do not have the same abs today. It's cool though b/c abs are something that I develop rather quickly. I mean, the abs I have today aren't the ones I had in Miami (which is a shame b/c I needed today's abs last week) but whatever. It's still early and I'm hungry and tired and probably not really making much sense. I tried to post a video featuring a hot and chocolaty Weebey from the Wire, but obviously his presence would have caused too much commotion b/c youtube decided against it. As a result, I give you the new Rocawear Ladies promos featuring Ciara and Tocarra.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

Since I was a good girl and went to the gym as promised, I decided to post a few gems that I saw this morning on the web.

While my relationship with Pharrell may be rocky, I do love a tatted up neck. Here is Neck Tat with some dude named FAM-LAY.



The ambassadors of Hot Ass Mess themselves, Pretty Ricky. Hmm, I wonder if they've paid Joe for jacking that "Love Scene" song of his? Joe, you might want to collect on that sweetheart.



Some cat named Ray Lavender (?) who is on Konvict Music and sounds just like T-Pain singing about something he knows nothing about. Threesomes as song subject matter is so tired. I mean half these dudes don't know what to do with one chick, let alone a few. Whatever. Enjoy the show.

*ETA: Sorry kids. Universal decided to snatch the video due to copyright violation.

Dear...

Chocolate,

I hope you are having a great day. You are a very hot young man. So hot, that you have single-handedly reactivated my loins. I want to thank you for that. I am officially back and it's all because of you. I think we should celebrate. Holla at me sometime.

Love,

The Hottest Zimbabwean in the Game

Birthday,

You will be here in exactly seven days. We have to make everyday count. This is the first year that I am ambivalent about your arrival. Maybe it is b/c I don't know what to expect. Well, let's be clear about one thing: I'm having a great time from today until the end of the month and beyond. 07-08 is the continuation of great things! 'Preciate it.

Love,

The Month-Long Birthday Girl

Party,

Thank you for coming together in such a short period of time. I am loving you so much right now. To make matters even better, you appear to be relatively inexpensive. I love you so much. I promise not to get too drunk so I can remember you.

Loving You,

Your Very Excited Guest of Honor

Guest List,

Please make yourself. I am tired and don't feel like doing that right now.

Yours in laziness,

Me

Gym,

Ok. I will be there in an hour at the most. I was taking care of important financial business this morning. I am a very important person. Yes, I am aware if I don't keep my appointments with you no one will be interested in anything I have to do or say. I understand we are a team. I've dropped the ball and I apologize.

Thank you for your tough love,

Me

I'm a really silly girl so if these "letters" seem off, you probably don't want to meet me in person. Have a great 7 days til my birthday! Chocolate this is for you.

And the Plot Thickens...

Ok. So last night, I filed an unemployment claim with the great state of NC, as an insurance policy of sorts. I'm good on the money front, but I don't know how long the work imposed hiatus is going to last. I'm still trying to be responsible and still pay bills and save, which is virtually impossible if you don't have income coming in. Long story short: I was poor last year and by the grace of Jehovah, I was able to file an umemployment claim in GA. When I filed the claim, I got a job 3 weeks later, which was great b/c those benefits weren't really gonna cut it. Well, it's still active b/c it lasts for a year (I guess) and I have to reopen that claim, in that state. If I'm still scheduled to receive the same amount that they offered in December, then that's not going to work. At. All. I have responsibilities that are so serious right now. It's cool though, b/c I have plans in the works. I just thought that this might be a quick way to keep the revenue coming until I went back to work for real (some might refer to this as a slight hustle, I won't confirm or deny) Oh well, back to the drawing board, I guess. Have a great Monday.

Lame Lame Lame

I vow to leave the house today. I've been reviewing business materials and trying to find a venue for my birthday. This is lame. Doesn't look like I'm going to the gym either so I'm just an all around winner today. Maybe I'll get lucky and be able to take another trip for my birthday. It would be great if Chocolate could step up to the birthday challenge. That would definitely be a welcome surprise. Shawty, we can freak something if you're down, indeed.

Where's Your Agent?

From time to time athletes will do some wack mess. When this happens I often ask myself "where is this man's agent?" Case in point. I was reading Sandra Rose's blog today and found some very interesting information about Kansas City Chiefs RB, Larry Johnson. Allegedly, Johnson and Jay-Z are roommates in New York. Rose's blog goes on to state that Johnson is holding out for $28 million in guaranteed money as opposed to the 1.9 million he was given. Kansas City is only willing to meet him with about $11 to $14 million. Reportedly he needs a larger salary because he needs to find another place to live. Jay-Z has also allegedly reprimanded (read: cursed out) Johnson for appearing in Fantasia's "When I See You" video because she's "hood" and he shouldn't be associated with her. Now, I can't say whether this information is true or not because let's be honest, I don't know. However, there are some things that I'm absolutely certain of:

1. Larry Johnson, you need to be concentrating on finding housing in Kansas City.
2. I'm pretty sure suitable housing is available for less than $11 to $14 million in Kansas City.
3. Two rich grown ass men probably don't have a legitimate reason to be living together.
4. There is no legitimate reason for a grown man to curse out another grown man for making a non threatening career choice.
5. While you may deserve more money, I don't know if this holdout is the best move for you since I didn't follow your career last season but I do know your name is not LaDainian.
6. Two rich grown ass men probably don't have a legitimate reason to be living together.

Sandra Rose's blog did go on to state that Johnson and LeBron James are represented by Jay-Z in some matter. James is reportedly releasing an album so that representation makes some sense, but no album information was included for Johnson. If any of this is even remotely true I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this wackness.

Burn Notice

I look crazy. After my workout yesterday I noticed some slight peeling on the shady shoulder I mentioned earlier. Well today I look like a burn unit escapee. Not a good look. It's still hot as hell and I don't feel like leaving the house. In administrative news, I need to figure out what the hell I'm doing for my birthday since it's 10 days away. I plan to get my life together on Monday. I would start tomorrow but today already feels like Sunday so if I try to start on an actual Sunday it probably won't happen. Sundays entail a lot of sleeping, reading and errand running. Not a good day to get your life together. I still can't believe I burned my shoulder (and nose and forehead). I have got to stop falling asleep in the sun. Alright. There's nothing more to see here. Later.

Boondocks Season 2

And I can't wait!

Goodmorning World!

It's 8:56am and I'm up like some kid. Q called and that woke me up but usually I can go right back to sleep. I guess when you know you really don't have shit to do it's like that. My tan is starting to look suspect like it really doesn't want to be here long, like I took it way to far with getting this dark. My shoulder feels kind of crazy like the skin is too taunt to be real but it's not peeling. My nose is though. Anyway. Last night when my mom heard the theme song to the Wire come on, she immediately jumped up, put on her shoes and ran out the room. Of course I busted out laughing. She didn't need those shoes just to go watch the other tv. It's in the same house. I guess she was just that serious about not seeing the Wire.

On Wednesday, I accompanied Q to her water workout and I had the pleasure of meeting the hottest piece of chocolate I had laid eyes on in a while. In about 4 years to be exact. Just typing that made me sad, but back to the story. Because Q is crazy, she concocted a story with the plot consisting of me being Zimbabwean, speaking little English and of course just visiting. She told Chocolate that we were just back from Miami and hadn't seen anyone hot (which was true) and asked if he would be kind enough to take a picture with me. He was and I got to enjoy being embraced by Chocolate. Highlights included his hot ass body, his arm wrapped tightly around my waist and his general chocolaty goodness. Magically delicious. Alright. I think I should go to the gym before the heat rises to 200 degrees. I'd flirted with the idea of taking my friends kids to the pool, but that shit seems ridiculous in light of yesterday's boiling heat. I'm really not trying to have a kid barbecue. We'll see what happens though. Have a great Friday.

The Show, the Hotel, the Afterparty

I'm back from Miami and what I've discovered is that it's hot as hell all over the planet. In the past week and a half I've been through South Carolina, GA and Southern Florida and now back in NC and all these places had one thing in common: all tied for hottest place on earth. I walked outside today to get some stuff out of the car and it felt like somebody threw a hot ass blanket on me. Not so comfortable. Don't get me wrong, I love summer and the heat, but when it's 101 degrees at 8pm there's a problem.
Anyway. Miami was great. The water was blue, the food was good and the rain paused. I am now tanned a nice shade of cherry wood. Highlights included the ever so delightful Cuban cuisine from Puerto Sagua, dessert at the Pelican and Sunday night at The Forge. You see, I really appreciate it when your night can start at 1am instead of wrapping up at that time. Club closed at 5am and drinks were served until then, and all was right with the world. We even had a chance to take a nap before we went out. I love naps and laying in the sun makes you tired. I had a brief eye lock with Jeezy which was kind of weird. Whatever. I hope he enjoyed Miami as much as I did. I thought I had more to talk about but it's hot as hell and I can't seem to concentrate. Enjoy the video. I'm going to take an ice bath. Later.