Dear...

Chocolate,

I hope you are having a great day. You are a very hot young man. So hot, that you have single-handedly reactivated my loins. I want to thank you for that. I am officially back and it's all because of you. I think we should celebrate. Holla at me sometime.

Love,

The Hottest Zimbabwean in the Game

Birthday,

You will be here in exactly seven days. We have to make everyday count. This is the first year that I am ambivalent about your arrival. Maybe it is b/c I don't know what to expect. Well, let's be clear about one thing: I'm having a great time from today until the end of the month and beyond. 07-08 is the continuation of great things! 'Preciate it.

Love,

The Month-Long Birthday Girl

Party,

Thank you for coming together in such a short period of time. I am loving you so much right now. To make matters even better, you appear to be relatively inexpensive. I love you so much. I promise not to get too drunk so I can remember you.

Loving You,

Your Very Excited Guest of Honor

Guest List,

Please make yourself. I am tired and don't feel like doing that right now.

Yours in laziness,

Me

Gym,

Ok. I will be there in an hour at the most. I was taking care of important financial business this morning. I am a very important person. Yes, I am aware if I don't keep my appointments with you no one will be interested in anything I have to do or say. I understand we are a team. I've dropped the ball and I apologize.

Thank you for your tough love,

Me

I'm a really silly girl so if these "letters" seem off, you probably don't want to meet me in person. Have a great 7 days til my birthday! Chocolate this is for you.